my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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