people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
