Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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