My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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