At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
