so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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