Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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