All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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