This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
