do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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