if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
