if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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