Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
