I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
