I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's the barista slut.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
