No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
