She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My life is pants optional.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
