My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
