So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize
