Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
