.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
