i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
