yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
