i just wanna soil my oats bro
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
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