people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
