So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize