Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
