you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
