She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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