needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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