I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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