Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
