Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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