Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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