great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
