Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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