I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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