Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How does it feel to date your dad?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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