what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Randomize
