I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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