I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
false alarm, still single
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