Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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