a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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