He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
