I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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