I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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