somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
