You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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