Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
