It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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