After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
