Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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