dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
