I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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