Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
