She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
