you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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