Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
