after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
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I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
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I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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