how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
