Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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