Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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