You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
