I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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