those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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