hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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