Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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