Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
