Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
