Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
