Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
