Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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