My nipple is on Facebook.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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