just tell him i said nine months
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
