I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
