He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
