I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
