I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is Oprah even human
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
